I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
