i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
