Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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