woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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