you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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