Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
