I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Shame is for Republicans.
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