the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
