Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
