I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
