there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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