i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
