There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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