On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
