It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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