I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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