Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Randomize
