I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
