Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
