Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just high enough for therapy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
