whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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