i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sober January is a disaster.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
