What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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