My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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