You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
