John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
