Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ttyl tear gas
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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