haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
