I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
