Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
