It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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