Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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