My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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