OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Panties = found
Randomize
