I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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