I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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