Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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