Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
