i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
