did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
