I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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