youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
