i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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