Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
