Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
be right there i have to get my cape
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
