why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
