No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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