She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
