I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
