No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just invented taco cereal.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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