it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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